Learning to Love Again Read online

  LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN

  LEARNING TO LOVE AGAIN

  Chrissie Loveday

  British Library Cataloguing in Publication Data available

  This Large Print edition published by AudioGO Ltd, Bath, 2010 Published by arrangement with the author

  Epub ISBN 978 1 445 82443 7

  U.K. Hardcover ISBN 978 1 408 45794 8

  U.K. Softcover ISBN 978 1 408 45795 5

  Copyright © Chrissie Loveday, 2009

  All rights reserved.

  Printed and bound in Great Britain by

  CPI Antony Rowe, Chippenham and Eastbourne

  ANNA MAKES A FRIEND

  ‘Please Holly, be a good girl. Mummy really does have to go to work now. Aunt Lucy will look after you and you’ll have lots of fun.’

  ‘No,’ shouted the two, almost three-year-old, stamping her little foot. Anna closed her eyes briefly. Her daughter had quickly learned the power of the word no and used it as often as she could.

  ‘Now you’re being silly. Please Holly, do as I ask. Look, there’s Jackie in the garden. I’m sure he’d love you to throw a ball for him.’ She pushed open the door and the toddler ran out, picking up the dog’s ball and throwing it wildly into the air, still shouting, ‘No!’ The little Jack Russell, owned by the family next door, ran over and leapt to catch the ball, missing it and falling over. Holly shrieked with pleasure and continued to run around shouting, ‘No!’ Aunt Lucy stood behind Anna, watching and laughing at the pair.

  ‘Don’t worry, love. She’ll be fine. You get yourself off to work. She can let off a bit of steam outside and then I’ll get her breakfast ready. Good job next door’s dog likes coming into our garden to play.’

  ‘Thank you. You really are a treasure. What would I have done without you?’ She gave her aunt a quick hug.

  ‘Go on with you. It’s my pleasure. I’m glad to have the place alive again. Since your uncle went, I’ve rattled round like a pea on a drum. We help each other.’

  Anna got into her little blue car and set out for the Health Centre. It wasn’t far from Lucy’s home, but her work as Community Midwife took her all over the local area.

  It was a glorious morning and she looked forward to driving round the quiet lanes of Cornwall. It was a different matter in the height of summer when everywhere was filled with visitors. Emmets as they were known locally. But they brought life to the county and much needed income.

  Now, in early spring, everywhere was a pure delight. There were wild flowers tucked into every little nook and cranny, patches of colour to brighten the darkest of stone walls.

  ‘I’m so lucky to have a home here,’ she whispered. So lucky that Lucy was able to take us in. Had it not been for her aunt, she would have been quite desperate. After Ben had died, she was left with scarcely anything. He had never even known she was pregnant. Would he have gone off in his boat, had he known about the baby? Would she ever forget that dreadful evening?

  She swallowed hard and parked in her usual place outside the modern building that was the Health Centre for the large village of St Pirian and several other villages, too small to have their own facilities. She sighed. It was time to forget the past and move forward, however impossible it seemed at times.

  ‘Morning, Anna,’ called Maggie from the reception desk. ‘Your list’s in your pigeon hole.’

  ‘Thanks, Maggie. Efficient as ever.’ She picked up the typed sheet and went into her office. She loved the set-up here. She was able to form a really good relationship with the patients. Nothing could ever compare with the joy of a safe delivery of a new life. She glanced down the list of calls she’s been asked to make and nodded to herself. She expected one or two of her patients to need extra reassurance and quickly planned her route. There was a noise from Reception and she raised her head to listen, then went out into the corridor to see if she was able to help.

  ‘I’m sorry, madam, but you can’t see a doctor immediately. There’s a queue waiting and all the doctors are busy.’

  ‘But my little boy’s been sick. He needs to see a doctor right away.’ The woman was angry, belligerent and quite unwilling to listen to anything that was being said to her.

  ‘If you’ll just take a seat, I’ll see if I can fit you in as soon as one of the doctors is free.’ Maggie sounded quite exasperated.

  ‘It’s just not good enough. I have a sick child here . . .’

  ‘What’s the problem?’ Doctor Meredith asked, coming from his consulting room. He was about to leave for his rounds. Maggie quickly explained and he took the woman and her child into his room. The other patients in the waiting room looked slightly cross.

  ‘Seems you only have to make a noise and you can jump the queue,’ said one of the older ladies, very loudly. Maggie shook her head and then gave a shrug towards Anna.

  ‘You have a system and everyone thinks they should be able to get round it. Joe’s too kind for his own good.’

  ‘At least he’s quietened things down in here,’ Anna said wryly. ‘Doctor Meredith hasn’t been here long enough to know the devious nature of some of our patients. Well, I’d better be on my way. I should be back early this afternoon.’

  She picked up her medical bag and the files of patient records. There seemed to be so much more paper these days. There had been enough when she trained and first began her work but it was so much worse now. Computers were supposed to have made it easier, she grumbled, but it seemed everything still came in multiple copies on sheets of paper.

  It was a busy morning and the time flew by. Soon it was almost lunchtime as she was driving along her beloved quiet lanes. She arrived at one of the tiny hamlets, where a row of six houses nestled in a valley leading down to a cove, so well concealed that only the locals knew of its existence. Once she had visited her last patient of the morning, she planned to take her sandwiches and sit next to the sea and enjoy a brief break.

  ‘You’re looking good,’ she told her patient, Sarah. ‘Not long now. I’m pleased you’ve been doing the exercises. Are you managing to rest a bit more during the day?’

  ‘Not too bad. But you know how it is, what with Damian away most of the time and the toddler to manage. Mrs Brierley’s been taking Jamie for an hour or two when she can. But poor soul, she’s got her husband to look after. He’s not been well either.’ Sarah’s own husband worked on the fishing boats and was often out at sea for several days at a time.

  ‘You cope wonderfully, Sarah. I just hope Damian will be home in time for the birth. Let’s just check your blood pressure.’ She wrapped the cuff around her patient’s arm and inflated it. She listened as the beat stabilised and as Sarah tensed, she spoke again to calm her. ‘That’s great. You’re doing really well. Everything in place. Actually, you are quite advanced considering the birth date.’ She looked at her records and frowned. It couldn’t be another month away but she didn’t want to alarm Sarah. ‘You know, we ought to consider booking you into the Maternity Unit in case Damian’s not back. I don’t like you staying here on your own in this remote spot.’

  ‘I’ll be fine. Damian’s taking time off once we’re closer to the time. I’ve got my final scan next week, so that should tell us something.’

  ‘OK. Well, call the surgery if you’ve any problems. I’m going to sneak down your lane now and have my lunch. OK if I leave my car outside for a bit?’

  ‘Sure. Thanks, Anna. Hope you enjoy your lunch.’

  Anna locked her things in the boot and collected her sandwiches. She noticed another car in the lane and saw Joe Meredith emerging from the neighbouring cottage. Her heart gave a small leap of pleasure as she saw him. How silly, she thought.

  ‘Hello. What are you doing here?’ he asked, crossing to her and gi
ving her the sort of smile that did strange things to her insides.

  ‘Just about to eat my lunch down on the beach. One of my mums lives here.’ She nodded towards the house.

  ‘I’ve been visiting Mr Brierley. He’s not well, poor man. His angina’s always a problem, but I’m a bit concerned about him today. Sorry. Shop talk, but as you know the family . . . Look, I know it’s an awful cheek, but do you mind if I join you? I’ve just bought a pack of sandwiches from the shop back there and if I don’t eat something soon, I’ll probably pass out completely.’

  ‘Feel free.’ Anna smiled. She certainly had no objection to sharing her time with a new colleague. Especially one who was young and good looking . . . not that she was interested in men at all, not since Ben. It was just nice to have some male company for a change. They walked companionably down the steep slope to the sparkling sea.

  ‘Wow. This is pretty special isn’t it?’ Joe ran forward excitedly, like a small boy. Anna smiled at his enthusiasm. ‘Come on, let’s paddle.’ He undid his garish tic, covered in cartoon characters. He dragged his shoes and socks off and dipped his toe in the icy water, yelling as he did so.

  ‘Not as warm as it looks?’ she called out laughing. ‘You won’t get me in there for a pension.’

  ‘Coward. It’s great once you’re in. Come on or I’ll be forced to drag you down here.’

  She sat herself firmly on a rock and watched him. No wonder all the female staff were talking about him and the patients asking for him. He was probably everyone’s fantasy of the perfect, dreamy doctor. She gave a small sigh and turned her attention to her lunch. She lifted the lid of her box.

  As usual, Lucy had put in a lot more than just a sandwich. Fruit, a little pack of salad and a couple of tiny sausage rolls. She felt thoroughly spoilt. Joe ran back up the beach and plonked down beside her. He even smelled good . . . something that sprang from fresh air and a light, spicy aftershave.

  ‘Your trousers are all wet at the bottom,’ she pointed out, dragging her mind back to reality. ‘Not quite the way for a respectable doctor to behave.’ His smart work suit was looking decidedly worse for wear.

  ‘Who said anything about being respectable? You look most disapproving. Sorry. But I am only a locum. I don’t come with the same standard of behaviour as one of the old men of the practice.’

  ‘Why are you still a locum? Why haven’t you taken something more permanent?’

  His handsome face crinkled as he considered. His eyes were almost the same greenish brown that Ben’s were, she noticed with a sudden shiver. The same colour as Holly’s. Joe’s brown hair was slightly darker than Ben’s but it was tipped with blond, as if he spent a lot of time out in the open. He was slightly taller than Ben and though slim, looked muscular and very fit.

  ‘Why am I still a locum? I guess I haven’t yet found anywhere I want to settle. Besides, I do have other commitments. Being a locum means I can be a bit more flexible.’

  She wondered about his commitments. A wife maybe? She rather hoped not. They chatted easily and half-an-hour whizzed by incredibly fast. He was a most likeable man and she felt totally at ease in his company. She tried to discover more about him, but he was remarkably skilled at avoiding questions with a joke or flippant remark. Instead, she found herself telling him about Holly and the difficulties she found working and tearing herself away from her small child each day.

  ‘Must be tough,’ Joe said sympathetically. ‘What about your husband? Does he work too?’

  ‘I’m a . . . my husband’s dead.’

  ‘Oh, I’m so sorry. But he must have been very young.’

  ‘He was. Only thirty.’ Joe reached over and put a very warm, strong hand over hers.

  ‘I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. Please don’t be upset . . . but maybe talking about it might help?’

  His eyes were full of concern and she sniffed.

  ‘He drowned. Went out sailing in his boat and never came back. Getting on for three years ago now. I still can’t believe it sometimes.’ He stared at her and hesitated before asking, ‘Was that here? In Cornwall?’

  ‘We used to live nearer Padstow.’ He said nothing and looked slightly uncomfortable.

  ‘I suppose I should be getting back. Thanks for your company and I’m sorry if I opened up old wounds.’ He stood up and dusted off his trousers. ‘You’re right, you know. I should try to be more respectable. But then, I wouldn’t have the cheek to invite myself to share lunch with a beautiful midwife.’

  Much to her amazement, he leaned down and put a finger beneath her chin and lifted her face, staring into her clear blue eyes. ‘Come on.’ He took her hand and hauled her up to her feet. She was quite speechless.

  ‘Doctor Meredith . . . Joe . . . you must understand, I’m not interested in you . . . in anyone. I have a small daughter and a busy life. Of course I’m flattered. You’re a very attractive man and . . .’

  ‘Hey there. Steady on. I’m not proposing to you! Now, we’d better get back, don’t you think? Or someone will be talking about us.’

  Despite herself, Anna was biting back a smile. It really was rather flattering that a handsome, younger man found her attractive, however wrong she knew it must be. How could she even look at another man when her own beloved husband had died less than three long, lonely years ago?

  She sighed. Maybe one day, she should consider letting herself out of this self-imposed emotional isolation, if only for Holly’s sake. She needed a man in her life. A father figure. But not now. Not yet. And she certainly would never be looking at someone as temporary as a locum, like Doctor Meredith. He would disappear as quickly as he’d appeared, once Doctor Christopher returned from his course.

  She hoped, under the circumstances, that his other commitments didn’t include a wife.

  ‘Forget all about this, please,’ she demanded.

  ‘Race you up the hill,’ was his response. ‘Come on, let your hair down a bit.’ He shot off at a pace she could never match . . . not ever, even when she was younger. She walked sedately up the hill and smiled as she saw he was leaning on his car, panting fit to burst. ‘Not as fit as I should be. Must need to work out a bit. You ever go to the gym? You should. It’s good for you.’

  ‘You try fitting in a working day and looking after an energetic two-year-old. And covering nights at least twice a week. No time for gyms and the like.’

  ‘You could come with me,’ he suggested. ‘As my guest. I’m a member of a very exclusive place near Truro.’

  ‘You’re too pushy by half,’ she told him as she got back into her car. Despite herself, she leaned out of the window and said, ‘Thanks for your company. I enjoyed the change but I don’t make a habit of this. And please, don’t mention it ever again. We do have to work together.’

  As she drove away, he made an exaggerated deep bow, his head almost touching his knees as he did so. He gave her a final cheeky wave, which she saw through her rear view mirror. If he didn’t amuse her, she might have been very irritated at his presumption. He was obviously rather immature, she tried to tell herself but wasn’t convinced. All the same, he was clearly good-hearted and the patients were already asking for him, when they booked appointments.

  Perhaps the surgery needed someone who could joke a little and lighten the often rather intense and even gloomy monthly meetings. Her heart was already feeling lighter and his mood had rubbed off on her own.

  After she had made one more call to check on the first-time mother to be, one who was suffering from a major case of nerves, she went back to the Health Centre to run her antenatal class. She judged there was just time to complete her notes on the morning visits, and set to work. There was a tap on the door and before she could call out, the door opened and a hand appeared, holding out a red rose. The hand reached for the shelf inside the door and deposited the rose on the top.

  The door closed again and she was left staring. She opened the door and looked out at the empty corridor. It had to be Joe. No one else would ever do a
nything so romantic, so foolish. She picked up the delicate bloom and sniffed the fragrance. She filled a small jug with water and stood the rose on her desk, wondering whose garden was now short of one red rose.

  ANOTHER CHANCE FOR LOVE?

  ‘How’s my favourite girl?’ called Anna as she put her key in the lock. She heard a pattering of bare feet running across the wooden floor of the hall.

  ‘Mummy, Mummy. Went to the park. Fell down.’ Anna was swamped by a wet and grubby hug as her little girl flung herself at her mother.

  ‘Hello, darling,’ called Lucy from the kitchen. ‘The kettle’s on. Won’t be a minute. Good day?’

  They sat on the kitchen chairs, one at each side of the table, grown up accounts of their days interspersed with Holly’s excited chatter. Anna couldn’t help being slightly jealous of the things they did together, her aunt and small daughter. If things had been different, she would have been the one visiting the park and sticking plasters on grazed knees. She adored her work and had always intended that she would return to midwifery once her family had grown up a little. But it was never meant to be this way, someone else caring for the little girl while she was at work.

  ‘I’ve made a casserole for supper, so you can relax and play with Holly for an hour or so. I’m going to have a little rest, if you don’t mind. That cold last month really took it out of me and I feel shattered.’

  ‘Are you sure there’s nothing else wrong?’ Anna asked anxiously. Her aunt had never had children of her own and for someone over fifty to begin caring for a lively toddler for the first time in her life, was rather more tiring than she may have expected. Lucy reassured her niece and went for her rest.

  Mother and daughter played together for a while and then Anna scrambled an egg for Holly’s supper. They settled down to look at some books and all too soon, it was time for the little girl’s bath and bedtime. They were precious moments and Anna gave herself to Holly unstintingly. She had to be a mother and father to the child and though Lucy was wonderful to them both, there were her own needs to be considered. Her hobbies had been generously pushed to one side when they came to live with her and Anna felt guilty that her aunt rarely had time for her painting now.