Soul Searching Read online

  SOUL SEARCHING

  Chrissie Loveday

  © Chrissie Loveday 2016

  Chrissie Loveday has asserted her rights under the Copyright, Design and Patents Act, 1988, to be identified as the author of this work.

  First published 2016 by Endeavour Press Ltd.

  This edition published in 2018 by Endeavour Media Ltd.

  Table of Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter One

  The young couple walked hand in hand along the rutted lane behind the row of dreary terraced houses. The last few dying weeds poked up between the cobbles in the village near Longton in the Potteries. It was late in the autumn of 1939. Already there were signs of war invading their everyday lives and Paul had said recently that he was waiting to be called up.

  ‘But you’re too young,’ protested Ruth. ‘You’re only just nineteen and besides, I’d miss you too much. I don’t want you coming back damaged or without a leg or an arm.’

  ‘I don’t think there’ll be much choice. They’re already saying every young man will have to go and fight. Don’t worry, love. I know I’ll come back safe and sound.’

  ‘Promise me you will.’

  ‘I promise. I do love you, Ruth. I know it’s a bit soon but… you will marry me, won’t you?’

  ‘Course I will. Not yet awhile though. My mum would never allow it.’ They both giggled at the thought of Mabel actually condoning their wedding. ‘Far too young you are. Don’t be so silly, girl.’ Her impersonation of her adopted mother was more than accurate and Paul laughed long and hard.

  ‘Your Veronica wouldn’t half be jealous.’

  ‘She’s not “my” Veronica. Stupid woman. She’s always been jealous of me and my brother, ever since Mum took us from the home.’

  ‘It was Mabel’s cousin or something that was your mother, wasn’t it?’

  ‘As far as I know. My real mother had died after me and Jimmy were born and my real dad blamed us for it. For her dying, I mean. Dumped us in the Lymes and if Mum hadn’t gone and rescued us, lord knows where we’d be now. Well, that’s as far as Mum tells the story, any road.’

  ‘Lucky for you two then. It was good of her to adopt you both, wasn’t it?’

  ‘I suppose so. But with twins, she could hardly leave one of us for someone else, now could she? It hasn’t always been easy you know. Still, I don’t want to talk about that.’

  ‘I hate living here. Miserable little houses in rows. I’d like to live in a nice new house with some garden instead of a back yard.’

  ‘With a toilet up the back. I hate it too. I’ve heard they’re building a new estate down at Wallbrook for people who work in the Royal Ordnance Factory or whatever it’s called. I’d like to live there, especially with an inside lavatory. They’re putting in air raid shelters too in case of any bombs dropping.’

  ‘It’ll all be over soon. I’m sure it won’t go on much beyond Christmas.’ Paul was keeping his fingers crossed as he spoke, feeling that no politicians could ever tell the whole truth. ‘Forget it all. It’s all happening miles away from here and I don’t suppose we’ll even know about it. Come on, let’s move a bit faster and try to get home before the rain really starts.’

  ‘I wish we had somewhere to go where we could be on our own. I get fed up with everyone sitting round in the same room listening to everything we say.’

  ‘When we get married, we’ll definitely try to get us a place of our own,’ he promised.

  ‘But how long will that take? Years and years.’ She paused. ‘Come on then, we might as well go back to my place. See what joy my father’s wittering on about today.’ The bored tone of her voice reflected her feelings at the thought.

  Ruth was a pretty girl of eighteen. She had red curly hair, an unusual colour that looked coppery one minute and a much darker russet the next. Her eyes were dark brown, dreamy eyes that often seemed to give people the impression she was thinking faraway thoughts. Paul was a modern young man of his time, blond hair cut short back and sides. He was taller than Ruth and his blue eyes were guileless. The pair had been going out together since their schooldays. They walked along the backs and soon arrived back at Ruth’s parents’ terraced house. It was one among streets of similar properties, all owned by some landlord who probably lived miles away. The front door opened into the front room, a room used only at Christmas, despite the crowded family.

  ‘Is that you, Ruth?’ called Mabel from the back room.

  ‘Yes. Paul’s with me.’

  ‘Come on through and get yourselves warm again. You must be perished.’

  ‘Thanks Mrs Davies. It is a bit chilly out there,’ said Paul.

  ‘That’s right. Sit near the fire. Move yourself Jimmy. Let them as has been out get a warm. Put the kettle on, Ruth. We’ll all have a cuppa.’

  With a look that could kill under other circumstances, Jimmy heaved himself out of his chair and, with a sigh, left the room. He pounded up the stairs and, minutes later, they all heard the sound of his trumpet as he practised blowing scales. He was actually very good but listening to him doing the same things over and over soon got to them all. He and Ruth, being twins, had similar colouring.

  ‘Tell him to stop that racket, can’t you?’ put in Veronica, the youngest of Mabel’s own children. She was over twenty-five but liked her home comforts too much to get married.

  ‘Tell him yourself,’ said Dan, their father.

  ‘Honestly, ever since Mum took those two brats in, this place has never been peaceful.’

  ‘Well, you’ve had almost eighteen years to get used to it,’ snapped Mabel. ‘It’s about time you found yourself a fellow. If there’s anyone who’d take you on.’

  ‘I’ll have you know I’ve turned down a whole load of men asking me to marry them. Never fancied any of them enough to give up my liberty for them.’

  ‘Tea’s ready. Who wants some?’ said Ruth. They all said they did, so she went back into the kitchen to pour it out. Paul went into the kitchen to help her.

  ‘I don’t like the way your sister… stepsister or whatever she is, I don’t like the way she speaks to your Mum about you. I’ve come in here to get away from her vicious tongue.’

  ‘I’m just sorry you had to hear her. She’s usually out on a Saturday afternoon. Don’t know why she’s at home.’

  ‘Shall I take your parents’ tea through?’

  ‘Okay, thanks. I could leave Veronica’s in here and let her fetch it herself,’ Ruth giggled.

  ‘I dare you to.’

  ‘Okay. I’ll bring yours and mine in and tell her to fetch her own.’ She carried two cups and handed one to Paul and then sat down with her own cup.

  ‘Where’s mine?’ demanded Veronica.

  ‘In the kitchen.’

  ‘Why didn’t you bring it in here?’

  ‘Didn’t know I was supposed to wait on you. It’s on the side. Get it before it gets cold.’

  ‘Mother? Are you going to allow her to speak to me like that? Ignorant brat. Go and fetch my tea immediately.’ Ruth sat still, drinking her own tea.

  ‘I’ll go,’ said Mabel.

>   ‘Don’t you dare, Mum. I want the brat to get it. Go on. Fetch it now.’

  ‘I said, get it yourself.’ Veronica rose from her chair and stood beside Ruth. Then she leaned over and flicked under her cup, spilling the contents all over her.

  ‘You bitch,’ yelled Ruth. ‘You’ve scalded me. Get your own flaming tea and I hope it’s gone cold. I’ve got to go and change now.’ She ran up the stairs and pulled off her wet skirt and blouse, cursing the stain that had spread all over them both. They were her best ones, too, worn especially for Paul. She put on some of her work clothes and carried down the stained garments to put them to soak. They were all sitting quietly when she arrived downstairs. Veronica looked a little subdued but was still scowling.

  ‘I think perhaps I’d better go,’ suggested Paul.

  ‘Oh now, please don’t,’ Ruth begged him. ‘We were going to the pictures later.’

  ‘I can come back and pick you up in time for it to start.’

  ‘I’ll come with you now. Wait a minute and I’ll get my coat.’ He looked very embarrassed and seemed to want to get away as soon as he could.

  ‘What about your tea, Ruth?’ asked Mabel.

  ‘We’ll get something later. I don’t want to stay where I’m not wanted.’

  ‘Oh, Ruth. I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it.’

  Ruth looked at the woman who hated her so much and gave a shrug.

  ‘I think she really meant it. Don’t worry, Mum. I’ll be fine. Come on, Paul. Let’s go.’

  The two of them walked down the street, hand in hand.

  ‘I’m so sorry you had to see all that,’ Ruth told him.

  ‘It was partly my fault. If I hadn’t dared you to leave her tea behind, it would never have happened. I’m sorry, too. What do you want to do now? It’s a couple of hours before the film starts and the weather’s not exactly good for walking.’

  They tossed a couple of ideas round and decided to go and have some more tea. They found a small tea shop that was almost on the point of closing, but the owner agreed to make them a pot of tea.

  ‘Not a nice afternoon to be out,’ she said chattily as she brought it to them. ‘I’ve put out a plate of cakes, too. No charge. They’d only go to waste if I keep them. It is Saturday after all.’

  ‘Thank you. That’s very kind of you,’ said Ruth.

  ‘Yes, thank you,’ added Paul.

  Feeling slightly self-conscious, Ruth poured the tea and handed the cake plate to her boyfriend. It felt rather grown up to be taking tea in a shop and she certainly didn’t feel very grown up.

  ‘It feels slightly wrong to be here, don’t you think?’ she whispered.

  ‘Maybe. But we had to go somewhere, didn’t we?’

  ‘How much do you think it will be?’

  ‘Don’t worry. I got paid yesterday and I can afford it.’

  ‘That’s okay then. It’s awful having to do things like this isn’t it? All because we didn’t want to sit in with my parents and that hateful sort of sister.’

  ‘I still feel guilty about that. Perhaps we should have gone to my parents instead. But they’d be even worse.’

  ‘Worse than Veronica? I doubt it. I dream of her leaving home and getting married. But who on earth would want her?’

  ‘Who indeed? You never know. I think we’d better finish now. The woman is probably wanting to go home. I’ll go and pay her.’

  He went to the counter and called out. The owner was sitting in the tiny office at the rear of shop. She came out and told him she wasn’t going to charge them anything.

  ‘It was no problem and I could see you wanted somewhere to sit. Besides, I was finishing off my book work. You go and have a nice evening. Going somewhere nice?’

  ‘Going to see Babes in Arms at the cinema.’

  ‘Ooh, lovely. Hope you enjoy it. I’ve heard good things about it. Judy Garland isn’t it?’

  ‘I think so. And Mickey Rooney. My girlfriend is very anxious to see it. Something light-hearted in these times.’

  ‘I’ll come and lock up behind you. See you again I hope.’

  ‘You certainly will. And thanks again for your generosity. Very good of you.’

  They went out into the now dark street, holding hands. Paul told Ruth about the woman not charging them for the tea and cakes and they both agreed it had been very nice of her. They walked along to the cinema and stood in the queue outside.

  ‘I’m really looking forward to this,’ she told him.

  ‘Hope you enjoy it. I’m pleased you’ll be happy.’

  Unlike many of the other younger people watching the film, they really did watch it. All around them, couples were cuddling and kissing and not watching any of the film. Ruth wanted to see it and was quite carried away by the story and the music.

  ‘Oh, I’d love to be in something like that,’ she said at the end of the film. ‘I know I can sing and I just need to be discovered.’ She danced along the street, twirling and humming the songs from the show. Paul smiled at her.

  ‘Don’t you go off to Hollywood and leave me behind,’ he said, laughing. ‘Oh Ruth, I do love you.’

  ‘I love you, too.’ They stopped near to a shop and ducked inside the doorway, where he kissed her. ‘I don’t want to go home yet. What time is it?’

  ‘About quarter to ten. Let’s go and get some chips.’ He took her hand and they ran together along the dirty pavement till they reached the chip shop.

  ‘Two bags of chips, with salt and vinegar, please.’

  They left the warm, steamy shop and ate from the cone-shaped bags as they walked along. When they had finished Ruth licked her lips and said, ‘I think chips are my very favourite food. Especially at night.’

  ‘Very good taste you have, Miss Davies. Now, I’d better get you home or you’ll be in trouble with your mum. Shall I see you tomorrow?’

  ‘That would be nice. I’m not sure where we can go but come round anyway. We may have to stay in the house with everyone else if it’s raining.’

  ‘I’ll cope. Just try to get on with your sister, that’s all I ask.’

  ‘With any luck, she’ll be out somewhere. At least you’re an only child and don’t have such problems. Here we are. Thanks for a lovely evening. I really enjoyed the film and the chips were magic.’

  ‘Night, love. See you tomorrow.’ He kissed her cheek and turned away and started to walk to his own home. Ruth opened the door and went inside.

  ‘Only me, Mum,’ she called as she went in.

  ‘You’re late. It’s nearly quarter past ten. You know the rules. Back inside by ten.’

  ‘We stopped and got some chips. Sorry. Didn’t realise it had got so late. It was such a good film though. Judy Garland sang beautifully.’

  ‘I can’t stand the woman meself. You’d better get yourself off to bed.’

  ‘Is Veronica back yet?’

  ‘No. Don’t even know where she’s gone.’

  ‘Well, I hope she doesn’t come clattering in very late. I’ll just go up the yard and then settle down. Dad at the club?’

  ‘Where else would he be? He went about eight. Expect he’ll be back soon.’

  *

  Ruth went up the yard and came back and washed herself at the kitchen sink. Apart from Veronica’s influence on the family, she was very happy with her life. She had a good job as secretary to the owner of a small company making pottery and she had Paul. She loved her twin brother, Jimmy, and they often chatted together about their futures and what would happen to them. She smiled at the thought of the pair of them when they were little. They were adopted by Mabel and Dan when they were practically newborn. They had never known anything different and had grown accustomed to sitting side by side on the sofa with a fireguard put in front of them to keep them there. They used to chatter away in their own language. She couldn’t even remember what it was now but, somehow, they always understood each other. Mabel’s oldest daughter, Annie was
married and had two babies of her own.

  She got herself ready for bed and was almost asleep when Veronica came back. She made such a noise getting herself ready that Ruth was wide awake again. She turned over so her back was towards her sister and pretended to be asleep. She really didn’t want another set to with her. Ruth smelled the expensive hand lotion she was rubbing on and then, at last, she turned the light off and settled down.

  Over the next few weeks, more news came in about the war. It didn’t seem as if it was going to end any time soon. Ruth felt worried about Paul having to go and fight and, despite his bravado, he was worried too, though he didn’t let on to his girlfriend.

  ‘Stop worrying, love,’ Paul told her. ‘If it happens, then so be it. I won’t be able to do anything but go wherever I’m told. But I will be back. I promise you that.’

  ‘I hope you’re right. If it does go on for a long time, I bet Jimmy will get called up too. I can’t bear it. All the people I love going away to who knows where?’ It was a typical conversation they often had.

  Mabel was more stoical about it all. She could remember the last war and all the misery that went with it. They’d said it could never happen again like that. She believed the politicians, thinking they were all much cleverer than any of her family so they must be right. She didn’t think any of her brood would have to go and fight. They had a proper army nowadays, didn’t they?

  ‘Don’t be daft, our Ruth. They’ll never do a call up of all the men. They’ll send the army in to fight those bastards. Your brother won’t ever have to go and I doubt young Paul will either.’

  ‘Oh, I don’t know, Mum. He seems to think he’ll have to go. I think he’s planning to volunteer. I’ve begged him not to but he won’t listen. He’s convinced he’ll come back safely. I wish I could believe him.’

  ‘He’ll be all right. Now, go and put the kettle on. We’ll have a nice cuppa.’

  ‘How long will we be able to drink tea? It comes from overseas doesn’t it? I bet they’ll be short of it before too long.’

  ‘Well, we’ll drink it while we can then. Go on with you.’