Learning to Love Again Read online

  ‘I’m afraid I think she’s too young to be in a strange environment without her mummy for several days.’

  ‘I think you’re being very selfish. You deprive us of our only son and then refuse to let his child stay with us. You farm her out every day with that aunt of yours and yet her own grandparents don’t get a look in.’

  Anna was ready to explode but Mr Kington interrupted. ‘Now dear, don’t get upset,’ her father-in-law said soothingly, his arm around his wife’s shoulders. ‘You know it isn’t good for your poor heart. I’m sure Anna will bring Holly to stay for longer next time. And you can’t entirely blame her for Ben’s death. He was the one who sailed off, after all.’ Anna looked at him, grateful for the support, however half-hearted it may have sounded.

  ‘But she’s got all the benefits afterwards. His life insurance and that lovely house. I couldn’t believe you’d want to sell it. The home you made together.’

  ‘You don’t know anything,’ Anna burst out, angry at the harsh words. ‘If you want the truth, Ben had cleared out all our money from the bank and he’d stopped paying for the life insurance. He’d even taken out a second mortgage without telling me. I had to sell our lovely home because your son had got into such terrible debt. I still haven’t finished paying off all of it. There was nothing from any policies. If it hadn’t been for the generosity of my aunt, we’d have been on the streets. None of it has been easy at all. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll go and pack our things into the car. Keep an eye on Holly, please.’

  ‘But Mother’s heart isn’t strong. Please don’t upset her this way. I can understand you are worried but I can’t have you endangering her life.’

  ‘Good job I’m not leaving Holly to stay then, isn’t it?’ She paused. ‘What’s wrong with Mrs Kington’s heart anyway?’

  ‘It’s been broken . . . by Ben’s untimely death.’

  ‘That’s rubbish,’ she said without thinking.

  ‘The strain of it has made her ill. She’s never recovered. Seeing you brings it all back.’

  ‘It’s been tough for us all. I’ve had rather a lot to cope with myself. It isn’t easy bringing up a child and having to work as well. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll remove the cause of such stress from your house right away.’

  She couldn’t remember ever feeling so angry before. It was so unfair. Ben could never do any wrong in his mother’s eyes and usually, his father wasn’t much better. She’d only come to see them out of guilt. This was possibly the last place on earth she wanted to be. As for them having Holly to stay for a couple of weeks, the poor child wouldn’t know what had hit her. She’d have to be a lot older before she would even consider leaving her precious daughter with these people, grandparents or no.

  ‘Thanks for a nice weekend,’ she managed to mumble as she strapped Holly into the car seat.

  ‘We’ve enjoyed having you,’ her father-in-law replied. ‘And don’t take any notice of what Mother said. She really is still grieving for Ben.’

  ‘Aren’t we all?’

  ‘If you really are in financial difficulties, I’m sure we could help.’

  ‘Thank you, but I’ll manage. I’ve managed so far.’ She wouldn’t take a penny from them. She tried to quell the seething anger as she drove home and sang songs to her little girl as they drove. Holly squealed with delight as she joined in with the few words she knew. They were nearing home when her phone rang. She put the earplug in and pressed the button. The screen said it was Lucy calling.

  ‘Hello, Lucy?’

  ‘Anna. It’s Joe. Where are you?’

  ‘Just about to leave the A30. About half an hour away. What are you doing there? Is something wrong?’

  ‘It’s OK. I’m at your aunt’s house. She isn’t well and I’m insisting on taking her into hospital. She needs some tests. No need to panic.’

  ‘I’ll meet you at the hospital. It’ll be quicker.’

  ‘What about Holly?’

  ‘I’ll sort something. What’s wrong with Lucy?’

  ‘Don’t know yet. Better go. See you soon. And don’t worry.’

  Don’t worry, Anna thought. Ridiculous statement. How could she not worry? Poor Lucy. She should have known it was something serious. She took several deep breaths and made herself calm down. After the scene with her mother-in-law, and now this, it needed all her self-control.

  * * *

  When she arrived at the small hospital, the car park was packed solid, as usual. She found a space in a nearby street and lifting Holly on to her hip, she almost ran to the Admissions Department. She found Joe and almost fell into his arms. He was so dependable, so strong, she thought. The sort of person everyone needed as part of their lives.

  ‘Hey, it’s all right. I’ve got her into the cubicle and the doctor’s with her now. They’re taking some blood tests and I’m sure they’ll come up with the right answer.’

  ‘But how did you get involved. Did Lucy phone you? She must have felt really bad to phone you.’

  ‘She didn’t. I happened to be passing and called in to see if you were back. She looked terrible, so I examined her and decided we needed to do something urgently. You can see her in a minute. But, are you all right? You look very flustered. Let me take Holly. Come here, little one. You’re a bit of a lump for your mummy to carry, aren’t you?’

  ‘Lo, Joe,’ she said, snuggling against him happily.

  ‘I had a blazing row with Ben’s parents, which upset me no end. Then this happens. Apart from all the worry about poor Lucy, what on earth am I going to do?’

  The full impact of Lucy being ill hit her and she felt tears pricking her eyes. She relied on Lucy for everything. How was she going to do her job?

  ‘Mrs Kington? You can come in to see your aunt now.’

  It felt strange to be on the other side of the fence, a visitor rather than staff. The doctor pushed open the curtains and almost trembling with fear, Anna went into the cubicle.

  ‘I’m so sorry, love,’ her aunt said immediately. ‘I don’t quite know what’s happening. When Joe called in, I was feeling rather dizzy and he just took over. Organised everything.’

  ‘I’m so glad he did. You’re in the right place. I’m only sorry I wasn’t here for you. I should never have gone away and left you alone.’

  ‘Don’t be silly, dear. You did it for the best. They’ll soon sort me out, I’m sure. Where’s Holly?’

  ‘With Joe. She’s fine. A bit tired perhaps.’

  ‘He’s a good man.’

  ‘Do you know what might be wrong?’ she asked the doctor who was still hovering around.

  ‘We’ll know more tomorrow when we have the test results.’

  ‘I see. Is there anything you need, Lucy?’

  ‘I’m fine. Joe collected the essentials for me before we left. You go home now. Get Holly to bed. She must be worn out, poor little thing. And you try to get some sleep. I’ll soon be home, so you won’t have to worry about anything. Perhaps you can get the day off tomorrow?’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll manage something,’ Anna said, trying to sound convincing.

  * * *

  Joe insisted on accompanying her home and helping to put Holly to bed. She unpacked the car and sat staring at the suitcase. Joe handed her a glass of wine.

  ‘Drink this. Supper’s on the way.’

  ‘I can’t each much,’ she protested.

  ‘Well tough. You can watch me eat.’

  ‘I don’t understand. You haven’t had time to cook anything. I don’t even know what’s in the fridge.’

  ‘Nor do I. There’s a pizza being delivered at any moment.’

  ‘Now there’s efficiency. I forgot. How was your duty stint with the lifeboat?’ She didn’t really want to think about it but forced herself to try to be unemotional about it.

  ‘Fine. Several early holidaymakers with suicidal tendencies. Why on earth people don’t read notices, I’ll never understand. When it says no bathing, that’s what it means. All these clever
clogs who think they can swim against currents they can’t even see.’

  The doorbell rang and the pizza arrived. Despite her thoughts of not wanting to eat, it smelt so appetising that she tucked in hungrily. Joe cleared up the majority of it and they sat back feeling almost relaxed. Anna frowned, worried about her aunt, comforted by Joe’s presence.

  ‘I’ve got a proposition,’ Joe said after a short while. ‘How about I move in here with you and then I can help out with Holly? We can arrange our shifts a bit so if you’re on nights, I’ll be here and vice versa. We can probably organise a bit of leeway during the day too. And with a few mornings at playgroup, problem sorted.’

  ‘I couldn’t impose. Besides, what would everyone think?’

  ‘There’s a spare bedroom. So no need to panic. You can even lock your door if you’re worried.’

  ‘I don’t mean that. It’s wonderfully kind of you. But I can’t interfere with your life like that.’

  ‘You must realise you’re already interfering with my life. In fact, you’ve pretty much turned my plans upside down, just by being you.’

  ‘I’m not sure.’

  ‘Trust me, I’d like to help.’ His face took on a serious expression and he touched her hand. ‘Don’t worry.’

  ‘But it’s my problem.’

  ‘Fine. I’m going to collect a few things from my dreary bedsit now. And while I’m away, you can put some sheets on that bed. You need to have a few decisions made for you. No. Don’t say anything more. I’ll be back in half an hour.’

  Anna’s emotions were running riot for almost the entire half hour he was away. Maybe it would work and after all, it was only a very temporary situation. Chances were, Lucy would be home again in a day or so. Perhaps she would be able to sign on for more nights and free her daytime hours to be with her daughter.

  If either Joe or Lucy were to stay home with Holly at nights, she could probably carry on working normally. Her colleagues would probably jump at the chance for a spell of nights without duty. She grabbed clean sheets from the airing cupboard and made up the spare bed. She put out fresh towels and tidied a few things away that had been dumped in the usually unused room.

  The doorbell rang. She would have to find him a key, she realised. And did he eat a cooked breakfast or just toast, like they did? She really knew nothing about this man who was about to share their home.

  ‘I’ve emptied my fridge and brought anything that was useful. Hope you don’t mind, only I hate wasting anything.’

  ‘Of course not. Make yourself at home. I’ve put clean sheets out and towels. Oh and I’ll find you a key . . .’ She was babbling on and she realised. ‘There’s a spare one in a pot in the kitchen.’

  ‘Relax, Anna. This is supposed to help you, not send you into overdrive in organising. Once I’ve taken my stuff up, we’ll make some plans.’

  * * *

  They spent the rest of the evening deciding the best course of action. She mentioned her idea of working nights, which he agreed with, but was concerned that she would soon be overtired, especially if she was looking after Holly all day.

  Whatever happened, she needed to take the next day off. They’d just have to manage without her at the medical centre.

  ‘But you do realise that I’ll have to give them this number as my contact number,’ he pointed out. ‘I’ll do my best to preserve your reputation intact.’ He gave her a weak grin.

  * * *

  She lay awake, aware that Joe was lying only a few feet away. She felt comforted by his presence in the house. She was also slightly disturbed at having him so close. She felt confused. She knew she had deep-rooted fears about any relationship and specific fears about any future with Joe. He was always teasing and flirted with her but he seemed not to want anything more.

  Then she began to go through a period of remorse. She was being selfish. Poor Lucy was ill in hospital and they had no idea what was wrong. How could she be thinking of herself and not her beloved aunt’s welfare?

  ‘I’ll get into work early today and make sure everyone knows you won’t be in,’ Joe said. ‘I expect you’ll want to go to the hospital first thing. You could try at the nursery and see if they can take Holly. Under the circumstances, they’re usually willing to help out.’

  ‘Good idea. I’ll phone after breakfast. What do you want to eat for breakfast? I’m not sure what’s in the fridge.’

  ‘Coffee and toast would be a great improvement on my usual fare.’

  * * *

  Lucy was in the Admissions Ward and sitting up in bed, looking rather frail. ‘Hello dear,’ she said with false brightness. ‘How on earth have you managed to come in at this time? Shouldn’t you be at work? And where’s our little girl?’

  ‘I’m taking the day off and Holly’s gone to nursery school. She seemed delighted to see a whole lot of new toys and all the other children. I’m collecting her at twelve. Now, any news yet?’

  ‘I don’t really understand what they’re talking about. Some sort of anaemia, they think. That’s easy though, isn’t it? Just take iron pills.’

  ‘Well, maybe. I’m not sure. You seem to be rather unwell for just plain anaemia. I’d like to talk to the doctors, if you don’t mind. See what they say.’ Lucy nodded her agreement and Anna went in search of the doctor in charge of her aunt.

  He said that he wasn’t yet certain of a diagnosis and said that he wanted to keep her in for a few days and carry out more stringent tests. He seemed unwilling to talk much about her aunt, more than the usual patient confidentiality.

  She suspected that Lucy had been trying to keep any worries from her and asked the doctor not to tell her too much. But it worked the other way round. She was already beginning to believe it was something far more serious and that everyone was trying to spare her feelings. Instead, she became more worried than ever. She fully intended talking to Joe later. She had to know what she was facing.

  After the hospital visit, she went to collect Holly and called in at the Medical Centre. Everyone was most sympathetic and willing to help wherever possible. Doctor Whittaker suggested they might share with the hospital for extra cover and at Anna’s suggestion of taking on extra night duties, he thought they might be able to liaise with the Maternity Department at Landris.

  ‘As a matter of fact, we’re considering a plan to integrate the midwifery service with all the local practices and the hospital. Much more efficient.’

  ‘Maybe efficient, but I’d hate it to become such a large organisation that individual patient care could be compromised,’ she retorted.

  ‘Efficiency, my dear. We all have to look at greater efficiency.’

  Anna began to wonder how soon he was likely to retire. All the same, she needed his support at this time and could not afford to antagonise him. The midwife teams usually worked together in any case, so it was a case of a little more organisation. If she did work more at the hospital, it looked as if it might work out well. Her grand plans for introducing more complementary therapies would have to be left on hold. She hoped that there were no emergencies among her special patients the next few weeks, particularly those planning home births.

  * * *

  When Joe came home that evening, she had prepared a casserole for supper. Holly was delighted to see him and hopped round squeaking his name over and over.

  ‘Luv Joe,’ she said as she cuddled Mister Teddy at bedtime.

  ‘That’s nice,’ Anna said, suddenly feeling deep concern. Joe was becoming an integral part of their lives. Perhaps a bit too important to the little girl.

  ‘This is great,’ he said appreciatively as he cleared his plate. ‘I could get used to this. Oh, I made some notes for you after the meeting today. Most people seemed remarkably enthusiastic that I said I’d probably stay, by the way. Asked if it was anything to do with the fact I’ve moved in here.’

  ‘You didn’t announce it at the meeting, did you? Surely not. I’ll never dare look anyone in the face again.’

  ‘Of course
not. I was only teasing. The main subject that came up was after-hours cover. Have you heard about it?’

  ‘Not a thing. Unless you mean the stuff on the news?’

  ‘It’s all a bit complicated. Tied in with salaries and such. Working conditions. You know the sort of stuff.’

  ‘I suppose the good thing would be that doctors don’t have to work so many long hours. It must impair performance if you’re too tired.’

  ‘Which is precisely why I’m worried about you and your intended plans.’

  ‘I’m fine. But, can you tell me what you know about this anaemia that Lucy’s suffering from? It’s clearly a lot more than ordinary anaemia. She seems to think a few iron pills and she’ll be fine.’

  ‘She’s asked me not to tell you anything to worry you. Patient confidentiality and all that.’

  ‘You’d better tell me. I’m already worried sick. Is it leukaemia?’

  ‘No, I don’t think so. All right, but don’t blame me if Lucy never speaks to me again. We think she may have pernicious anaemia. It will be confirmed by doing a bone marrow test. She’ll also have to have a series of tests to see why she isn’t absorbing folic acid.’

  ‘But why should it happen now?’

  ‘She’s reached a point where the deficiency has become significant. It’s no good just pouring the missing vitamin into her if she can’t absorb it.’

  ‘So this is probably going to take some time?’

  ‘Possibly. I wondered about when I asked about her memory loss and whether she was less sure on her feet.’

  ‘Goodness. You noticed all that just over a meal and I live with her and never even thought about it. I feel ashamed.’

  ‘No need to feel that. I was able to be more objective and I’ve seen it before. A distant cousin of my parents had it so I knew the signs to look for. It isn’t in your area of expertise anyhow. One often thinks of anaemia or some viral infection when someone complains of perpetual tiredness. Look, changing the subject. I’ve been thinking about something.’

  ‘Oh?’ Anna wondered what on earth was coming next.

  ‘About acupuncture.’

  ‘Acupuncture?’