Learning to Love Again Read online

  ‘Yes. If you are going to recommend it, even prescribe it in time, you should try it yourself.’

  ‘But there’s nothing wrong with me.’

  ‘There doesn’t have to be. I think it would be a good experience and it would certainly help with the stress you’re under. I’ll make you an appointment and you can go at the end of work one day soon. I can come home to be with Holly, before you go on your shift.’

  ‘OK. Thanks, Joe. I must say I’m intrigued about the whole thing. I’ve no idea how it works, but I’d love to give it a go. Mind you, the timing isn’t good. I’m rushing round like a mad thing.’

  ‘So an hour’s relaxation will do you good.’

  * * *

  While Holly went to nursery for the next few mornings, Anna tried to get some sleep. Luckily, Holly had taken to it with great enthusiasm and under the circumstances, the organisers were happy to have her there. The constant night shifts were taking their toll and Anna was already finding the change in routine quite difficult to cope with.

  Sleeping during the day seemed all wrong. Some nights were relatively peaceful but then there would be one night when the particular baby took forever to arrive and she relied on Joe to get Holly ready in the morning before she crawled home feeling wearier than she could ever remember.

  She was also trying to fit in visits to see Lucy, but it was sometimes difficult. At least when she was working at the hospital there was some advantage. It meant she could pop in to see her aunt during the rare, quiet periods. Lucy asked less and less about how they were coping at home, as her tests were clearly quite painful and she was left feeling sore and very weary.

  ‘I can’t possibly fit in this acupuncture session you’ve booked,’ she told Joe the morning before she was due to go.

  ‘Nonsense,’ he insisted. ‘I’ll call in to see Lucy when I do my hospital visit this morning. She won’t miss you for once.’

  * * *

  Anna gave in and later in the day, drove herself to the clinic with some trepidation. She had little idea of what to expect and was inhibited by the thought of some procedure she didn’t understand.

  ‘Mrs Kington. Anna, if I may call you that? Please come and sit down. I’d like to get a few details from you before we start treatment.’ Bill Fletcher was gently spoken, a few years her senior. He exuded an air of confidence and she relaxed as she sat down.

  ‘I understand from Joe that you’ve been undergoing severe stress for some time?’ She nodded. ‘And you’re a midwife? I’ve done a lot of work for pregnant women and helped with childbirth too. But we’re here to talk about you today.’

  He took details of her situation and asked about medication, any physical problems she might have and she answered simply, feeling rather like one of her own patients. He took her blood pressure and felt her pulse, in several places. She eyed him curiously.

  ‘I’m looking for the deep pulses. Signs of other things going on inside.’

  ‘Do I need to close my eyes?’

  ‘Only if it helps you to relax.’

  ‘I’d rather watch what you’re doing.’

  He smiled, a gentle smile that made her feel confident.

  He unwrapped tiny silver needles from sterile packs and began tapping them into various parts of her body.

  ‘It is such an ancient medicine that we have to believe it works without fully understanding. Indeed, it has been proved to work for many people.’ She lay still, totally relaxed and listening to his words. After about twenty minutes, he began to remove the needles.

  ‘Now sit up slowly. You will probably feel a little light headed and very thirsty. I’d like you to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes and please, have a drink of water.’

  Anna felt almost dreamlike as she floated through to the waiting room. She was more relaxed than she could remember for months.

  ‘I have some leaflets you can take,’ Bill told her. ‘I’d be pleased to have the chance to work with you.’

  ‘Thank you so much. I feel wonderful.’

  Work that night was great. She had a couple of mothers brought in and looked after them without any problem.

  One was still waiting by morning but the other had given birth to a daughter during the small hours. Though only a relatively short time, she felt refreshed.

  ‘Maybe there’s something in this acupuncture,’ she muttered.

  * * *

  By the end of the week, Joe suggested that their system wasn’t working. They had seen little of each other during the hectic working hours and when one was in, the other was out.

  ‘I’m not sure we can continue like this,’ Joe said on Saturday morning. ‘I’ve got a day off and you are about to go to bed.’

  ‘No. I’ll stay up to be with Holly. I’m fine. Really.’

  ‘No you’re not. You’re exhausted and you look terrible.’

  ‘Thanks a bunch,’ she replied in danger of bursting into tears.

  ‘So, I have another plan. A much better plan.’

  ‘We all give up work and go on a cruise for the next ten years?’

  ‘That’s one idea. But I thought you hated water?’

  ‘I forgot.’

  ‘Why don’t we all move out to stay with Evie and Tom?’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. How could we?’

  ‘They’ve got masses of space. Loads of spare rooms. Evie can look after Holly during the day and you can go back to normal working. Holly will enjoy being with the Terrors and I’m sure she’ll be fine with them. Whatever I say about them being rough little tykes, they’re very good hearted.’

  ‘But what on earth does Evie think about all this? Assuming you’ve spoken to her.’

  ‘Actually, it was her idea. I phoned to tell her where I was and why. She immediately suggested it. She seems to like you for some reason.’

  ‘I’m really not sure. It’s a long drive every day. Over an hour.’

  ‘Not really, if you take a few shortcuts, you can do it in much less. I think it’s an excellent plan. We can move over there today and get settled before Monday. You can’t go on working these stupid hours. Two nights a week on call is one thing, but every night followed by days looking after a toddler, well, how long can you go on before you become ill as well as Lucy? You have a responsibility to your patients.’

  She burst into tears. He put his arms round her and held her close. He gently stroked her back and she nestled closer, enjoying the comfort he was offering.

  ‘Me want hug as well,’ piped Holly as she came into the room, breaking the moment.

  ‘Come on then, pipsqueak.’ Joe hauled her up to their level and the three of them hugged together, every bit a family. ‘Better now?’ he asked. Anna nodded. ‘Ready to move out to the country?’

  ‘I guess so. If you’re sure Evie and Tom won’t mind.’ She hoped he couldn’t hear the pounding of her heart, which seemed to be filling her own ears.

  ‘They’ll be delighted.’

  ‘We’re going on a little holiday, Poppet. You’ll enjoy staying with Sam and Jake, won’t you?’

  THE PAST RETURNS FOR ANNA

  Anna was immediately made to feel at home. Evie and Tom were delighted to have them staying and she knew she would become great friends with Joe’s pretty sister. She had the same greenish eyes and blonder hair than Joe’s, but there was a great similarity. Her sense of humour was slightly less zany but still there.

  Holly was entranced at having two surrogate brothers and followed them round like a puppy. They seemed happy to have her with them and played beautifully with the little girl. Anna enjoyed her time with the family and felt very much at ease with everyone, not least Joe.

  Evie cornered her one afternoon. ‘Is there something between you two or not?’ she asked outright. ‘I thought, that is, we thought that you were well, close.’

  ‘Thank you but . . . I . . . I’m not really sure. There’s certainly something between us but nothing’s decided yet, if that’s what you’re asking.’
r />   ‘I’m sorry if I’m being pushy, but I think Joe’s in love with you. I hope you love him too, because I don’t want him hurt.’ Her face looked very serious, even a hint of a threat was in her eyes.

  ‘Oh Evie, I’d never hurt him. But I’m not sure how much of a future we have. I’m very scared of being hurt again. The loss of my husband, well it was almost too much to bear. If it hadn’t been for Holly and Lucy, of course, I don’t think I’d have survived. How could I dare risk it again?’

  ‘But Joe’s as reliable as any man could be.’

  ‘I’m sure he is. But we haven’t known each other all that long. And there’s another problem for me. He risks his life on the lifeboats. How can I live with someone who goes out to sea in all kinds of weather? After what happened to Ben, I mean.’

  ‘It’s different. You couldn’t ask him to give that up. It’s something all our family do. The men at least. Even Tom goes out when needed.’

  ‘But how can you live with that? Suppose he didn’t come back?’

  ‘I’m proud of what he does. What they all do. So many people owe their lives to our two men. I live with it because I have to. It’s what they do.’

  ‘I see. I’m still not sure I’m brave enough. I don’t think I could bear another hero who thinks he’s invincible.’

  Evie looked slightly irritated but she said nothing. After a while she spoke again.

  ‘Look, I’m happy to have you staying here and I love having another woman to talk to. I want us to be good friends. But I should warn you, if you ever do anything that hurts my brother in any way, I shall never forgive you. Nor will I forget it.’

  ‘Evie, I promise you, if things do ever look like becoming more than I can manage, I shall be quite open about it and you can throw us out right away.’

  ‘Come here, silly,’ she said and pulled Anna into a hug. ‘I realise you have problems and I’m sure everything will work out in the end. Maybe I’m being too impatient for my brother to settle down and be happy.’

  ‘You know, I can’t remember having a really close female friend for years. Thank you so much for your generosity.’

  * * *

  The days fell into their own routine and life was as happy as it could be, considering the worries over Lucy’s health. She was not responding as everyone hoped and Anna was most concerned. She had read up about pernicious anaemia and knew that her aunt should have been feeling better by now, responding to treatment. She was discussing it with Joe one evening after supper.

  ‘I know pernicious anaemia occurs when someone can’t absorb folic acid. Vitamin B12. But I still don’t understand why it produces these symptoms. Or why it suddenly becomes a problem. I mean to say, she’s in her fifties and never shown any symptoms before.’

  ‘There’s a special chemical produced in the stomach. If there is insufficient produced, folic acid isn’t absorbed.’

  ‘Goodness. Thank heavens we got there in time.’

  The phone rang.

  ‘It’s for you, Joe,’ Evie called. He picked up the extension in the sitting room and Anna could hear his side of the conversation.

  ‘I see. How far out are they? . . . So the big boat’s needed? Right. And how many are injured? OK. I’ll make sure I’ve got as much as I can carry. OK. See you in . . . well, as soon as I can get there. Bye.’

  ‘What’s that about?’ Anna asked, already fearing the answer.

  ‘It’s a shout. I have to go. Medical emergency on a fishing boat off the north coast. Can’t stop now. But I’m badly needed.’ He rushed off and collected his medical bag on the way. She followed him into the hall and watched as he flung a waterproof jacket over his shoulders. He kissed her cheek as he rushed past, calling goodbye to everyone. Evie came to see him off and wished him luck.

  ‘I don’t really understand why they can’t send a helicopter out to the fishing boat. It would be so much quicker. Why does Joe have to go out on the boat?’

  ‘I gather the boat’s too close to the cliffs for the helicopter to pick up the injured men. Tom’s had the shout too. He’s already left. They have to take the big lifeboat out and obviously they need a doctor. The inshore boat would be too small if the men need taking off. They’ll probably have to take the entire crew off and if the injuries are really severe, the helicopter will airlift them off the boat when it’s further out.’

  ‘How do you know all this? So quickly I mean?’

  ‘It’s a familiar story. Small fishing boat gets stuck on rocks and crew needs rescuing.’

  ‘When will we hear anything?’

  ‘Probably not for hours yet. If they’ve called for Joe, he’ll have to treat injuries and that is always a long job in bad conditions. We should go to bed. There’s nothing we can do to help and well, you have work tomorrow.’

  ‘I’ll never sleep,’ Anna told her friend. ‘I couldn’t, not knowing they’re out there.’

  They made cocoa and sat in the warm kitchen clutching their mugs between their fingers for comfort. Anna asked how Evie could cope so calmly with Tom’s life in danger.

  ‘You don’t think of the danger and simply pray that they are able to do their job properly. And come back safely of course.’

  * * *

  The situation for Joe was as bad as it could be. They had launched the lifeboat and bounced over the waves towards the site of the endangered fishing boat. It was caught on rocks only a few yards from the towering cliffs, so typical of the north coast. It was too close to them for the rescue helicopter and the lifeboat helmsman needed utmost skill and care to avoid being dashed on the rocks themselves.

  There were four crew on the fishing boat, two of whom had suffered serious crush injuries when a winch had broken. Somehow, they had shot a line over from the lifeboat and organised a sling. Joe had been hauled across first to assess the situation. The boat was badly damaged and there was little hope of saving it. His main objective was to get the injured men to safety on the lifeboat and then the rest of the crew would attempt to rescue the others. He should be able to do something for the injured men.

  ‘Can you tell me how these men were injured?’ he asked.

  ‘Wire cable snapped and let down the crate on top of their legs. We managed to get it off eventually but, well see for yourself.’

  Joe staggered along the swaying deck, clutching at the rails and medical equipment as he made his way to the two injured men lying on the deck. They seemed to be in agony and he administered morphine to each of them to help with the pain. He used the radio to get the lifeboat crew to send stretchers over.

  One of the men came with them and together, they managed to strap the first man securely on to the special rigid stretcher and carefully winched him across. The small boat groaned and shook as the waves battered her. Joe was afraid that it might break up at any moment but gritted his teeth and set about strapping on the second man. He had passed out with pain which actually helped them move him more quickly. It was better to risk further damage than lose him entirely. They got him across too and were beginning to feel more optimistic. The radio bleeped.

  ‘You’d better get over here, Doc. This guy isn’t looking too good.’

  ‘But there are two more men over here,’ he protested. ‘They should come first.’

  ‘You next, Doc. We need you here.’

  ‘OK,’ Joe agreed and apologised to the two shivering crewmen who were left.

  ‘That’s all right. Send the sling back as soon as you get there. This poor old lady’s had it. We just need to get ourselves off her now.’

  Joe was soon back on the lifeboat and began to treat his patients as best as he could. Their only chance was to get further out from the cliffs so the helicopter could get in and lift them off. They needed hospital treatment as soon as possible or both would lose their legs. The heaving boat prevented any proper treatment, even if he’d had the equipment to do it.

  One of the men arrived from the stricken boat and the sling went back across. There was a huge crash and th
e lifeboat jolted violently. The sling and cables suddenly snapped and sank into the sea and they watched in horror as the man who was half way across fell down into the sea. The rescuers hauled on the wire, dragging the man towards the safety of the lifeboat. The fishing boat disappeared under the waves, leaving only a few pieces of floating debris as evidence it had ever existed. It was too close to the rocks and high cliffs.

  They had shone powerful lights into the water, watching as the last man was hauled up the side of the boat. He was barely able to cling on but strong arms reached down and pulled him to safety. He was half drowned and they had to pump his chest to remove the water. Gasping for air, he coughed and spluttered and at least they all knew he was alive. The captain suddenly called out, ‘We need to get clear.’ The engine accelerated and they quickly left the dreadful scene. They organised a rendezvous with the air ambulance a couple of miles out and the injured men were lifted off. Both had broken legs and other injuries. Joe and Tom knew they had succeeded in their mission, though there were still worries about the fishermen. It took another two hours for them to get back to port and finally clear the boat.

  ‘We did what we could,’ the Captain told them. ‘Thanks very much everyone. Get yourselves home now.’

  Joe leaned back against the side of the boat and closed his eyes. He hoped that Anna had gone to bed. He could imagine what she was thinking and knew that this call possibly could be a crucial event in their relationship. How often had she said that she couldn’t bear to live with another sailor? Silently, he mouthed the words. Darling, Anna. Please love me. I’d do anything for you . . . even give up this work if it matters so much to you. Love me, Anna, I beg you.

  * * *

  After lying awake till well after midnight, Anna went down to the kitchen to make another drink. She paced up and down, wondering how the rescue was going.

  She could hear the wind howling round the old farmhouse and knew it would be much worse closer to the sea. The waves would be crashing against the rocks and sending spray high into the air.

  The poor crew of the fishing boat would be getting drenched with each wave and the rescue team would have to fight against wind, waves and there was probably a time urgency too. Depending on the injuries, speed was often vital in giving proper treatment.